NOLAW will usher in the long hot New Orleans summer on May 30 with a Cruel Summer Brawl at One Eyed Jack’s! This event will offer the usual biceps and bravado you know and love, along with a sweaty layer of sand, sun and SPF 30. Eight wrestlers will go arm-to-arm for the championship while NOLAW’s MCs and celebrity judges keep the beach party going. As always, come ready to dance to NOLAW DJs and win prizes from local businesses.
All proceeds from the Cruel Summer Brawl will benefit the New Orleans Harm Reduction Network, a volunteer-run collective that operates on the principles of harm reduction to offer material, educational, and advocacy support to drug-users and their communities in southeastern Louisiana. The NOHRN’s aim is to affirm the dignity of every individual by promoting wellness, self-care, and educated drug-use, while reducing the transmission of HIV, hepatitis, and other blood-borne pathogens among drug-users, and to seek a collective empowerment of all marginalized populations.
Doors open at 8PM, show begins at 9PM. $5 cover, but no one will be turned away due to lack of funds. Wanna wrestle, volunteer, or get involved? Please contact us at firstname.lastname@example.org!
Filed under Brawl, Events, Posts
Belated blog thanks to everyone who came to our anniversary celebration. We scaled it way down and still had a grand time raising $400.00 for Crescent City Childcare Collective. Lookout around town for newest champ Lefty Lucy who is political and packing heat. Everyone looked gooood, from wrestling organizers to glittered up Mid-Western representatives. A million thank yous to Finn McCool’s and their super helpful staff plus DJ Frenchbraid who kept everything raging.
Even post-post election we still find ourselves chanting “FOUR MORE BEERS FOUR MORE QUEERS” because why not? Congrats to the First Ladies Brawl Champion- The Incumbent! If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. She beat out undead-fresh Funkenstein in the Final Match to take home her trophy and endless amounts of tax breaks. Mad style props to Amelia Armhart who was literally flown in over the crowd and Coco LaCroix , that thirsty lady who sparkled up the stage. We saw cats from the former Soviet bloc and Secretaries of State showing their wild side. (Just a tip, Hillary2016.) The Iron Butterfly went through a stunning metamorphosis, there was pupa everywhere. The Nurse may have committed medical malpractice but we can’t be sure. Get me some of dat Obamacare.
President Barack himself dropped by to celebrate his victory and explain how our great State of Louisiana doesn’t provide for much needed programs such as the Rape Crisis Center’s medical advocacy center. Therefore, NO LAW raised $3,300 dollars for ’em! New record bringing an end to our 3rd year in existence. We are so proud to support the New Orleans Family Justice Center and the work they do. Well done, entourage, you savvy bunch of hustlers. Shoutouts to our DJs and celebrity judges, Sarah Palin and her new bestie, Snookie, for keeping it real. And thank YOU, crowd, scandalous betters and bribers that you are.
Get more involved with the Rape Crisis Center or NO LAW by emailing email@example.com! Be an entourage member or apply as a beneficiary. Try your biceps at wrestling, bake something for the wrestlers or hold a sign, there’s room for all. News on next brawls and appearances to come.
$1,500 to the girls program at Covenant House from the Matriarchal Mayhem Maytime Brawl! Big ups to DJs Justin Thomas and Brian Boyles, Howlin Wolf, photographer Katrina Arnold, Celebrity Judges and all the amazing wrestlers and their entourages. Also, mad thanks to Kristen Schaal, of The Daily Show and 30 Rock fame, for hanging with us. She bested our Referee arm to arm and kind of maybe sort of not really got married. We love you. Kristen Schaal is a horse.
Really the biggest surprise of the night though was Grandma Foots’ transformation from shuffling little old lady next door to a neon colored dancing arm wrestling fiend. She had us all fooled. Thanks for the long con, Grandma. She made it all the way to the final round but was defeated by new champ, Cosmic Crusher. Space power took home the gorgeous trophy from the girls at Covenant House. Our other wrestlers were on top of their game too. Babe Lincoln and her Vampires treated the audience to teeth and campaign swag. Pillar of Assault got some Snookie loving and the Second Wave showed Bingo Cunninglino what old school feminism is all about. You all rule.
Join us this Saturday at One Eyed Jack’s for Rights of Spring, a fundraiser for Planned Parenthood with Fleur de Tease. Cover is ten bucks for some amazing burlesque, ladies arm wrestling booth and erotic readings of Roe v. Wade. Doors at 9, show starts at ten.
NO LAW is going on the road! We head to Charlottesville, VA in June for SuperCLAW. This will be the first ever national ladies arm wrestling championship, bringing together leagues from all over the country. Sistah Mary Slammer will be repping us hard and we want to win! More information and excitement to come.
Our Lenten Brawl was a success of biblical proportions. $1,300 is going to Birthmark Doula Collective, which is enough to buy TWO birthing tubs and upkeep materials for a year. Well done betters and bribers! This past throwdown saw the comeback of crowd favorite SlamRock O’Hagan. She was smashed by the Harlem Hammer, in the end, who had the intense eye contact skills and attitude to become our newest champ.
MC Nina was taken out by the woman who brought her into this world. Tete La Plenty showed us what tough stuff she was made of while her entourage glitter bombed the first five rows of the audience. Sister Mary Slammer graced us with her presence to provide blessings and settle the centuries long debate of Christianity or Judaism when she beat the Circumcisor in a special arm wrestling holy war. Somewhere between weilding an umbrella and burning Chris Brown’s reputation, celebrity judge Rihanna found time to practice her planking skills for a bribe-sponsored match between illustrious butt ref Big Ern McBurn and former contender, the Vagitarian. Immigrants, religious enthusiasts and many sassy folks all put on an amazing show and got our 2012 season off to a great start.
Humongous thank yous to DJs Justin and Brian Boyles (especially for the continuing after party at Handsome Willy’s), the Camel Toe Lady Steppers, Praline Dupre and the Howlin Wolf. Photos are by Katrina Arnold, check her out for all your freelance needs.
Look for our next brawl in May!
Super Brawl was a super duper success! The event raised $2,500 for Common Ground Health Clinic to update their Women’s Resource Guide. Thanks to the generosity from you all, CGHC will be able to work on a Spanish language version as well. That’s fantastic. Big thank yous to the Howlin Wolf for fulfilling our High Life needs, DJ Justin for the killer beats and Katrina Arnold for the fabulous live shots and portraits that will be coming soon. We also had Billy Hunt and Brian Wimer, the geniuses behind the upcoming CLAW documentary, as guest videographers. They created a ridiculously entertaining dance video with material from the brawl. Do take a look.
Who is more competitive than a collection of previously victorious lady arm wrestlers? That was a trick question. There is no one with more of a desire to win an on stage, costumed yet physical competition than our champions. NO LAW started the night off with a bounce national anthem sung by Sarah Palin as the wrestlers were introduced. Celebrity judges Snooky and Councilwoman Kristen Palmer provided running commentary throughout the night, bringing in money by taunting the wrestlers and the audience, goading them on to bigger and better bribing. The entourages were at the peak of style, as gladiators, geeks, girls on fire and mustachioed Cajuns. Half time performances brought the show to a new level with burlesque by Praline Dupre and a jive-ass show by dance troupe NOLA Hip-Hop.
Bait and Tackle and Sistah Slammer were so evenly matched from the get go they had to dance it out, Slammer moving on as the victor of the booty shaking. The president of Chi Omega was in New Orleans on Spring Break, so she stepped in for a missing champion, charge card in hand. Swamp Thang found power through her ever popular nutria bikini to end the sibling rivalry and defeat her sister, our very own Councilwoman Palmer. Long time crowd favorite Phiery Phoenix refused to burn out or fade away all night, gathering bribes for re-dos and even subbed in to provide left handed power for the last round. You all rule ladies.
Then there was the Final Match. For the whole enchilada. All the marbles. The whole ball of wax. The Denominator (formerly known as Crybaby) vs. The Viper. Cheers were chanted, math problems were solved. A gaggle of patriotic ladies waged an enthusiasm war against a tribe of nerds. It came down to sheer strength of arm and the Viper left the table victorious! She was rewarded with much hissing and a skeleton trophy. Power! Glory! Mayhem!
Keep an eye on us for new merch and upcoming events including The New Orleans Bookfair and Fringe Fest. Wrists up!
This month we’ll have extra matriarchal mayhem to fulfill all your raucous needs with mini and full sized brawls.
Join us for a special appearance Sunday, July 10th at the Howling Wolf for Beasts & Brass: A Benefit for Chef Nathanial Zimet.
Nathanial is the chef and co-owner of Boucherie and The Cue Crawl, known as the Purple Truck. Nathanial was the victim of an armed robbery attack in front of his home and although expected to make a full recovery, he still faces a hard road ahead. The Beasts & Brass Benefit seeks to bring the community together in an effort to defray medical bills.
NO LAW will be doing what we do alongside burlesque, music and much more from 8-9pm on Diamond St. outside the Howling Wolf. Learn more and buy tickets here.
It’s never too much ladies arm wrestling. No withdrawal fears here, mere days later is the Steamy Summer Brawl. This tournament benefits BreakOUT, an amazing new organization that fights the criminalization of LGBTQ youth and instead builds their power. They seek to affect concrete policy change and through this brawl YOU can help.
Plus, we’ve joined forces with the Big Easy Rollergirls for over the top brutal babe action on our turf. How will these derby dames fare off skates competing wrist to wrist? AC SlayedHer, Jam Bayou, Brutualicious and other skating terrors will be using their upper body strength at The Rusty Nail, Saturday July 16th, 8 pm. Don’t miss a celebrity judge appearance by Katey Red, drink specials (I really can’t say enough good things about that frozen disco lemonade) and a DJ Justin afterpartydanceparty spectacular!
Big thanks to DJ Justin, our photographer Katrina Arnold and The Rusty Nail! Also to Trixie Minx and Oops the Clown for their opening performance, PLUS all the wrestlers who put on an amazing show! We raised $1000 for Women with a Vision and folks got to hear about the amazing work they do to challenge the totally wack “Crimes Against Nature” law. If you want to learn more/get involved/know what’s up, check out the WWAV website.
The smack talk and theme songs were at their most epic this time around. Doris Doomsday returned to try and teach new contender Ice Cold some manners, but Ice bested her and went on to the final round. It was Sister Mary Slammer though with all the power of the lord behind her who became our new champion. She even beat a fellow woman of the cloth to to smite the competition in the end. Amen. We like to give our crowd what they want so a special brawl between Cherry Popeye and celebrity judge, Yoko Ono was bankrolled pitting celebrity v. cartoon character. Yoko bested the peppy sailor but not before they gave us a dance off fit for the rapture. Watch it all here!
Save the date for your next chance to be this close to glory, Steamy Summer Brawl will be July 16th back at the Nail. We’ll have hot new merch for sale, including NO LAW bandannas to wipe the sweat from your tan brow or use as a coozy on your frozen disco lemonade.
DJ Justin afterparty on the very ground we brawled upon!
Women with a Vision will use the dollas from this brawl to increase staff training for all the wonderful work they do.
Delicious Food and Drink Specials:
$4 Jameson Shots
$5 Frozen Disco Lemonades
*Don’t forget, DO NOT park your vehicle across the street from the Rusty Nail. Your evening will be ruined by trying to bail your car out of car jail. Enter and exit the parking lot via Calliope. If there was ever a night to bicycle someplace, this would be it.
Well done Swamp Thing, winner of the last brawl! The nutria bikini gave her the fashion sense and freedom of movement she needed to finish off The Remover in a heated final match. Truly, everyone looked SO GOOD. From Weenis’s classic beauty to Gurl-Illa Warfare’s ill-fated cage, the competition and costumes were top notch. Crowd favorite Slamrock O’Hagan’s entourage looked so tough I was a little frightened. It may have been all those clover neck tattoos.
Thanks to Maison, all the wrestlers and entourage who put on a great show and YOU! Our adoring fans who helped fund baby showers for the Birthing Project. If you missed the show or just love donating, you can send checks to:
The Birthing Project
4205 Canal Street
Look for us at the next Friday Night Fights on April 1st and the Big Easy Rollergirls home opener April 16th. Spring brawl coming soon. Apply within to wrestle, donate prizes, celebrity judge or to use any other secret talent you may possess.